Sometimes I get tired of
hearing myself say
Don’t touch! I am
sure
my husband gets annoyed, too, since it’s him who is doing the
touching. It’s not that I don’t like his touch, you see, I really do
loveit
to the millionth degree, but there are times when he touches me in a
place during a certain time that makes me want to scream.
Of course I don’t scream for fear
of waking up our kids who have recently decided to go on a sleep strike
leaving us to rarely get any touchy feely time in anyway so I should
really take it when I can get it. But I’m trying to make the best out of
every touchy feely moment — trying to make the best of this moment for
everyone. So here’s my list on the places a man should never touch on a woman’s body along with the worst times to do it.
Because I’m not saying these places should never be touched, I’m saying
they shouldn’t be touched in certain scenarios. Men, you need to be
astute. I know, it’s hard sometimes. But here’s help.
1. The nipple when other things are going on with our body. Avoid nipple pinching when we’re breastfeeding or about to have our periods. It just hurts … in the bad way.
2. The leg when it hasn’t been shaved and we’ve been meaning
to shave but just didn’t
get around to it. We want to be smooth, but now
you’ve gone and realized we are prickly and lazy, making us feel
instantly unattractive. (Unless of course you are into that
sort of
thing.)
3. The va*gina when it needs a bath. If you start going
downtown and she pulls you back up, this is your red flag that she’s not
feeling
so fresh. Respect it because your attempt will be futile. She
probably won’t enjoy it while worrying about her lady odor anyway.
5. Our hair after we just spent hours at the salon. Common sense, right? Come on, guys!
6. The face when we’re oily or have a pimple. If you don’t
know when this is because men seem to generally be blind to these sorts
of things, tell your woman you think she looks so pretty. If she acts
surprised and mentions
something about her skin not being right or sort
of looks away to hide her face, this may be
a good time to avoid face
touching. Or, you know, just look to see if there is a blemish.
7. The stomach after a large meal. We really want to have
a
flat tummy, but it’s nearly impossible most times, particularly after we
just ate a cheeseburger with sweet potatoe French fries and had a
beer.
Or during a premenstrual bloat. Or when we eat anything with beans.
8. Anywhere after we have been sweating … a lot …
and we
aren’t drunk. I’d say about 99 percent of the time, most women don’t
like a man to get all physical after we’ve gotten all physical at the
gym. This is also true for when we have been outside heating up during
those sweltering summer months. But I’ve found that if you add alcohol,
this hang up of being touched when sweaty is gone. Same goes for all the
others, too.
Of course there are always exceptions here, which makes it all the
more
confusing for men. Women can be
hard to read and harder to please,
but
when you do read us and please us, everyone is satisfied. Got
